The Frizzy-Haired Ladies’ Lament
For those of us who live in climes in local eastern standard times
Who watch the weatherman each day ‘cause if it rains to our dismay
We’ll leave the house all in a tizzy to face our day with hair that’s frizzy.
Humidity that’s on the rise or drizzle that we all despise,
Our mane becomes a kinky blob and turns us to a frumpled slob
Like Cosmo Kramer on the tube, whose high hair gleams of multi-lube.
The TV ads that dangle bait of sleek and shiny hair that’s straight,
We drop our bucks to buy their gunk, in bottles, cans and other junk
Or tools that scorch and fry our locks in efforts to knock off your socks.
But no matter what our bottom line, we’ll still look just like Larry Fine.
Those of you with naturally straight long hair it seems can hardly wait
To ask us why we don’t enjoy our natural waves and jump for joy.
Because, we answer, your fine hair does not need tamed with whip and chair.
Just as a lion tamer will to tame the beast that
- won’t lie still.
- won’t lie still.
Perhaps we should give up our quest, accept our fate without protest
For hair that’s smooth as baby’s bum, not rough like chewed-up bubble gum.
But wouldn’t it be great instead to get ourselves up out of bed
And see a head of hair that’s killer? But still we channel Phyllis Diller!
The best that we can do I think, short of going to the brink
Of pulling off a Britney Spears and shaving it all off with shears
Is move along to different shores where walking in the out of doors
Means coming home to hair that shines and doesn’t look like Larry Fine’s!
Yerz Trooley
©August 2009
…proud owner of a flatiron that heats to 3,000 degrees!
Gilda Radner as Roseanne Roseannadanna
(Gilda LIVE 1979)
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