CRUD! / Issue 1 / A Very Krampus Khristmas
PU Artist, Karl 'Chops' Huber
(Click to Download a Full Version)
This time around, our own Unky Chops Huber brings us some holiday cheer in the form of CRUD! Issue One - A Very Krampus Khristmas!
For those of you who like to believe in the myths of Xmas (yes, we mean ALL the myths of Xmas - you know who you are), then you'll love this one! The Krampus is a fairly well know mythical creature that has been known to accompany good ol' St. Nick during the Xmas season, punishing all those naughty little boys and girls for being BAAAAAD!!! He's been known to like to pop out of his hidey-hole around the first two weeks of December, most notably, December 5th where he roams the streets in search of his prey!!!
Ah... yes, sweet dreams are truely made of these... and with that said good ol' Chops has also cobbled together another frightfully fun tale of wicked whoa entitled, A Very Krampus Khristmas - click here to READ MORE!!!
Also, don't forget to check out our old pal Dead Zed Zombie for his Xtra-Special-Xmas rendition of this PU ZedTime Story: A Very Crampus Kristmas!
UPDATE: This PU Pulp Poster has been UPDATED as of August 3rd, 2012 to include revisions to our QR Code and Website Address - PUzine.com - Download and print this PU Freebie and hang it on your fridge, stick it to your skateboard, glue it to your little sister's head - THEN use your smartphone to scan the code to follow Pittsburgh Underground wherever you are!
CLICK BELOW FOR A Very Krampus Khristmas, by our own Chops Huber!
It all began one Christmas weary...
Sitting in my recliner, drinking my beery.
I heard a big rumpus, ever so near me...
A sound that was coming, down from my chimney.
I leaped out of my chair to look around
Nothing was there, but the loud sound...
Something odd, big, and burly coming on down...
Oh Merry Christmas in Happy Town!!!
He burst from the fireplace with a huge roar
And rolled, a big blur upon my bare floor
Gazing upon him with unfettered horror.
He opened his mouth, and with that he swore…
“I am the Krampus!” spit his dark cries...
Aiming his pitchfork right at my eyes!
“And I am to be your Christmas surprise!”
“Let us all laugh at your wicked demise!”
He was so ugly and he was so mean...
Top to bottom and all in between!
Teeth caked in yellow, breath steamed in green...
I just pooped a wee little bit in my jeans!
The Krampus ran ‘round the room in fury!
And admist all the hoopla and topsity-turvy...
with his motions transformed all twirly and blurry!
The Krampus destroyed he maimed without worry!
He tore and he ripped through every room...
Chanting and wailing his holiday doom!
His demonic voice rang out with a boom!
“Take this and that you price-less heirloom!”
He tore down the curtains.
He knocked over the chairs.
He drank all the booze...
And fell down the stairs.
He went to the bathroom .
Without flushing the toilet.
Leaving milk carton on counter...
All night to spoil it!
He cock-eyed the pictures!
And broke every vase!
He vandalized everything!
Nothing was safe!
And when he was finished...
He stopped and he farted!
“Merry Xmas”, he crapped!
“Its time that we parted!”
And that's how it ended...
In the mid of the night.
He broke one more plate...
Then vanished from sight.
When the dust finally settled...
And my vision had cleared...
I slumped back down…
And finished my beer...